Lying Inventory
All addicts are liars and it is worth paying attention to the kind of liar
you are. For several days to a week carry note cards or a notebook with you.
Each time you lie, make a note of the lie, the situation, the person you lied
to, and what you were thinking and feeling about that person and situation. Note
how you felt about yourself after you told a lie. Also note the times you were
tempted to lie but chose not to lie. Your addict may get activated about this
and start quibbling with you about just what a lie is. A lie is when you say (or
write or otherwise do) something that is not true. It is also a lie when you say
nothing to avoid telling the truth. Any act the goal of which is deception is a
lie. All lies count in this exercise.
When you have enough data to think you have a good sample, look at you data.
See if you can identify patterns in your lying. Are there particular people,
situations, topics, or feelings that associate with you lying? If, after several
days, you discover that you have neither lied nor been tempted to lie, you are
missing something - You are lying to yourself.
Ask yourself how lying functions in your life. Ask...
- Do my lies protect me?
- Do I tell codependent lies, thinking I am protecting others (in fact
protecting myself)?
- Do my lies forward my recovery or inhibit my recovery?
- Would telling the truth have made things better, worse, or made no
difference?
The goal is progress, not perfection. I doubt that any one truly tells the
truth all of the time. The point is to understand how your insides interact with
your experiences to produce the impulse to lie and make adjustments that you
think are healthy for you.
