Deal with Resentment Now!!!
Remember the HALT formula - when
you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, you are more likely to act out. When
you are hungry, you can eat. When you are lonely you can seek company or make a
phone call. When you are tired you can give yourself some rest. But what can you
do when you are angry?
The immature part of us tell us that we must retaliate when we are angry. It
says, "Don't get mad - get even." The hurt and immature part of us thinks the
offending other deserves to be hurt in turn - the resentment builds. Or the
frightened part of us thinks that the person we are angry with will smash in our
heads or burn down our house if we express the anger so we internalize the anger
and feel shame because we are afraid - the resentment builds. By now you know
what building resentment sets in motion in your life. Acting in vengeance or
acting in passive aggression often brings the consequence of increased shame and
isolation. It heightens the risk of acting out. Whether we act-out the
resentment or act-in the resentment, we build and hold the resentment. And that
is antagonistic to recovery.
When you realize that you have an active resentment grinding away in your
brain, do something to deal with your resentment. There are lots of ways to do
that. You can talk with the offending person in a mature, responsible,
non-threatening way. You can "Let go and let God". You can remember that the
actions of the other whom you resent were not personal and are about the other -
not about you. You can work on your compassion for the person who hurt you
because compassion is a necessary step in forgiveness. You can talk with some
trusted person to vent your hurt feelings. You can talk with the hurt and angry
child within you and assure that part of yourself that he or she is safe and
lovable.
In the long run, it doesn't matter what method you choose so long as you
release the resentment. Freeing yourself from resentment helps you to stay on
your path of recovery and to avoid painful and damaging slips.
