Affirmations
Junky self-concept comes from junky experiences, usually as children. My
father used to say to my mother about me, "There must be somethin' wrong with
that boy." I got the idea. There was somethin' wrong with me. This message got
written in brain language into the part of my brain where the information about
who and what I am is written.
All of those messages you got about yourself that are not true are written in
brain code. "You are bad", "You are worth less", "You are unlovable", and so
forth. Sadly, you can never completely rid yourself of those old lines of brain
code. If you want to replace programs on your computer, you can do that
completely because you can reformat the storage surface or get a new one. But
you can't get a new brain. That is just reality. It does not mean that you can't
reduce the frequency, intensity, and duration with which those toxic bits of
brain code operate. You can. But it takes work.
First you identify the lines of toxic code. It is a fine thing to find a list
of affirmations somewhere and use those. But it is a better thing to write your
own. Why? Because when you write your own affirmations you can tailor them to
the particular bits of toxic brain junk written in your own brain code.
Get yourself quiet and listen to the messages that run in your brain about
who you are. Notice the thoughts that come to you that hurt, that make you
quiver, that cause you sadness or anger. Write them down.
Second, write a statement that completely contradicts each junk thought.
These are your personal affirmations. Beware!! Your addict and inner critic may
try to convince you to compromise doing this. If the junk thought is "I am bad"
the contradiction is "I am good". But your addict and inner critic may try to
persuade you to write, "Sometimes, I might be just a little bit good". See that
the original junk thought is still embedded in the non-contradiction. It is a
good idea to share your affirmations around with those you trust in order to
ensure that you are letting yourself completely contradict the junk.
Third, read through your list of affirmations. Read them out loud and read
them like you mean them. Pay attention to what you feel. Never mind the flavor
of the feeling. Pay attention to the intensity. The more intense the feeling,
the more important that affirmation is to you right now. Repeat that affirmation
many times. Write it on Post It notes and put them in your car, on your
computer, on your bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator. Put them wherever you
will see them. Practice recitation of the affirmations. Sit quietly until your
mind clears a bit from the business of the day. Then repeat your affirmations 10
times, aloud or silently, saying the affirmations as if you mean them each time.
Remember that you are writing new brain code. The more often you repeat the
affirmation, the stronger the response will be. Resist the unnatural feeling. It
is the old toxic brain junk that feels this is unnatural. Your healthy,
authentic self becomes stronger as you practice.
Return to your list from time to time to select the affirmation you can most
use. Repeat the process of saying them all aloud. When you discover new toxic
junk, write and practice new affirmations.
When you find yourself thinking junk thoughts, interrupt the thought and
replace it with the right affirmation. This becomes natural feeling with
practice. If you have driven a stick shift for years and then begin driving an
automatic (or vise versa), you will have to dig out the right habit to drive the
car. You will make mistakes. But the more you do it the fewer mistakes you will
make. The old program is still there. But the less you use it, the less likely
it is to run on its own.
Practicing affirmations is a practical, effective, multipurpose way of
changing your relationship with yourself and therefore your relationship with
the world. As you change those relationships it will become gradually easier to
resist the destructive cycle of sexual addiction which is triggered by the shame
you feel when the old brain junk and toxic messages get loud and you seek acting
out to quiet the brain junk noise.
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